Visitations.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. What they neglect to mention is that absence also makes the heart grow stronger, and that presence makes the nerves go weary.

Permit me to explain.

Having been away from my parents for some weeks, I was, naturally enough, looking forward to their visit today.

So when they arrived I was understandably in high spirits. I then experienced what I have described above. For the first hour we were catching up. By the second hour I was checking my watch. The third hour saw me grinning and bearing it, and the fourth hour saw me downright impatient for them to leave and let me be, especially as I was basically put in charge of my brother and dragged around computer game shops.

This sounds cruel I know, but as Bill Bryson observed, there are three things you just can't do in life. You can't make a waiter see you until he is ready to see you, you can't beat the telephone company, and once you have left you can never return home again.

So perhaps you can understand why, with my freedom of independence now three years old, I take immediate offence when I am called into question by them. Last year I fumed when they spent an hour turning my room upide down merely because it didn't meet their standards. This year I am left fuming that they had the tenacity to declare that my room smelt. Oh, I could stand that; just not their telling me in front of all and sundry. Now that is out of order in my book.