I just do not get it one iota...

Understanding that we haven't been living under a rock for the past, I don't know, four years, we all know that the Olympics opens up this Friday. In a country that shows it's proud to be backward in both its politics and its human rights, and, if you'll permit just a little decidedly un-PC racism here, also proves that neanderthals still walk the Earth and that apes are just a little closer to being human than we're ready to admit.

So you can see I despise China. For reasons even I do not fully understand. Perhaps it has something to do with having to live with a pair of Chinese people for a year and we didn't exactly get on too well.

But onto the main show. The Olympics. Big whoop they open. But all they are is one giant overgrown track-and-field event where the Americans either boycott it or else put in about 95% of the competitors, flood every event and then predictably win everything. Paula Radcliffe will run about 200 yards of a 26-mile marathon and then collapse in floods of tears and the only sports we'll do well in (well, ish) are the ones absolutely nobody in the country follows or understands. Like dressage, rowing and sailing. Think about it. When is the last time you sat down and watched and understood either a steeplechase, Henley Regatta or the Americas Cup?

Never, that's when.

So, I don't like the Chinese and I don't care much for the Olympics either. But then the BBC start harping on about it... and go on and on and on until pretty much everyone is considerably past caring. Why? Why does Huh Edwards have to be in Beijing for a week before the bloody thing even kicks off? Why do we need to know that it is two days, seven hours, fourteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds until the opening ceremony? Personally I'm more interested in the closing one... much less Communist monkey nationalist anti-democratic jingoism for a start, you see.

So for the next fortnight or so if you don't mind particularly I'm going to haul down the television aerials, cut off my internet access, not read a newspaper and generally live under a rock, until these cretins-in-leotard type tossers we call 'atheletes' fuck back off again to whichever hovel they besmirch for the next four years again.

And as a final two-finger salute to the whole thing... Free Tibet.